The mood was mute, I know this at least.  Of course, that didn't break away the aura of depression that lingered heavily in The Merry Minstrel tonight.  Even the bard, who usually was a cheerful lass of a Mithra, was dreary and down in her playing of the lyre.   Maybe I'm thinking too much about it again, despite what I do you never want me.  Or, maybe I'm just not trying hard enough...

Trysta, oh Trysta... Exquisite ivory locks, a radiant smile, and the body of a goddess...  It hurts me everytime you do anything, but smile at me.  Whenever you're sad, whenever you're teasing, whenever you're laughing because of Fenthryx... I'm so jealous of him, and I admit it.  I'd curse him endlessly if I had the spine to, but I could never hate Fenthryx.. He makes you happy, if I can't...

My hand begins to motion as the wine in my glass swirls like a small whirpool.  

Somewhere along the line, I'd figured out I'd lost you... But, I can never accept that.  I want you, I want you badly.  I want to hold you, and kiss you.  I want you to be mine alone, but it's useless... I'm dreaming again, dreaming of a happy life.

Heh, how hilarious is that?  It hasn't been that long since I'd seen my Grandfather... Yes, we all remember... I'd broken down, cried like the boy I still am.  My life was meaningless, and my family was, in more than fashion, dead to me.  My father's a monster, and so am I.  

The silent tears, coming to my eyes again... My black cloak protects me from the wretched drunkards nearby.

Now that I think of it, though... What about Miah?  She's every-much your sister, almost a twin... I could swear you two are related, but it's not true.  But, she's not you, Trysta... I'd hate to admit it to anyone, but you, Trysta, they're all second...

I feel the velvet feeling of the wine that was in my glass sliding down my throat, it eases the pain slightly.

Everyone we know, all our... Friends... You all think I'm such an immature pervert, don't you?  Do you ever wonder... How hard it is to keep the mask?  I know I'm not the most intelligent of men, but... Trysta, do you ever pay attention to me?  Miah, do you ever pay any attention to me?  Does anyone, really?... Sometimes it makes me wonder, would I have been better off... Giving in to my grandfather, giving him my body... If only to take away my pain?  Oblivion for my soul?

Another glass, I swirl the contents again.

In the end, I guess I'm alone... Am I?  Am I alone, forever to be?  Despite my need for love... No mother, no father, no family, no lover... What am I, if not a shell?  A shell of a "man"?  It hurts, Trysta...

The entire glass goes, I don't care anymore.  

The only thing that will mend my heart now, is your tender embrace... I'd even settle for Miah's embrace.  I don't know her as well as you, Trysta, but I think I could be happy with her.... If only she'd speak to me, though.  We don't talk much, any of us.  The closest thing we have to a conversation is you two teasing me, and I falling to my hormones... You both have sensual bodies...

I feel my cheeks heat up at the images that flash through my mind.

I'm alone here, thinking of you, my beauties.. My darlings... The only ones I'll ever want.

Time to stagger home, and spend my night staring at the ceiling above me... Another sleepless, restless, and hopeless night.